by Palaskar([email protected])
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Okay, you humans are probably a bit confused by now. Don't worry, it only gets worse.

Anyway...at this point, I've shown you that Angel's been receiving vampire blood from Darla, who never gets dusted in this timeline by her.

Of course, I can't explain everything. It would mess up the timeline.

So again, to recap: Buffy and Will (the guy who looks like your Angel) are attracted to each other, only Buffy ignores Will, a lot like your Xander ignored Willow. Angel (the girl who looks like your Willow) has the same thing going on with Xander.

Oh yeah, I'm changing the diary notations to just 'X's diary.' Shorter that way. What? I can do this, these are my notes, not yours. Now geddoudahere!

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*Angel's diary

Dear Diary,

My life is hell.

It's not bad enough that I had to watch Xander mope the entire summer. No. He and Buffy decided to get 'close' at the Bronze last night. Poor Will was there too, looking at Buffy snake her way around the dance floor. I asked him to dance, you know.

It was weird; he didn't appear to get it at first, so I asked again. Then we got up, and danced right up to Xander and Buffy, kissably close.

Things spiraled downward from there. Story of my life.

Flash forward a few minutes, and Buffy, Xander and I are out in the alley behind the Bronze. Will's inside with Cordelia, who's trying to seduce him. I wonder if he'll be ok -- I mean, for such a big guy, he's really quite vulnerable -- when Buffy starts taunting me.

I clench, unclench my fists. Then I start to walk away.

But Slayers seem to be genetically suicidal. Must come with the increased physique.

"Don't walk away from me, coward!" she says. I spin to face her.

"Ooh," she taunts. "Is Psycho Girl finally showing some spine?"

Then Xander gets all dumb and protective. I gently try to move him aside. "Get out of my way," I say. "Your 'friend' is in serious need of a butt-kicking."

He makes some smart comment about our butts, still remaining in front of me. Then he whispers in my ear, "Just let it go. You'll have to go through me to get to her."

The fool. I know six different ways to kill a man with my bare hands, and I don't even need to blood myself for four of them. I can even do three of them, all in a row, like dolls on a shelf, in less time than it'd take him to finish a sentence. So easy, I think...

I'll never hurt anyone I love again. Never.

So I back off.

Turns out it's a good thing I did, too. Will, Cordelia, Xander, and Giles got kidnapped by the master's flunkies -- I refuse to say 'minions', it smacks of intelligence they don't have -- in attempt to ressurect him. I never could have saved them in time by myself.

Oh, and I got a call today. Seems You-Know-Who wants to check up on me. I tell him everything's going according to plan.

Isn't it?

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*Will's diary

Dear Diary,

I met the sweetest girl today. She took my mind right off B...until I found out she was a centuries-old killer who sucks the life force out of her victims to live.

Life's just been so unreal since Jesse died. It's as if the earth opened up, swallowing the Sunnydale I grew up in, and replacing it with some hellish mirror universe counterpart. It nearly did last summer; I wonder if we really prevented the Hellmouth from fully opening. I wonder if this really isn't just some high layer of the Inferno, and we'll be introduced to the horror of it by degrees.

Want proof? I saved Cordelia Chase's life today. Again. It's like I'm her White Knight. Me! President of the 'We-Hate-Cordelia-Chase Club!' But I couldn't just let her soul get sucked out...of course, since it was Cordelia, nothing might have happened anyway, but I couldn't take the chance. :-)

The most surreal thing about it was that she was nice. Yes, you read rightly, NICE! She comes up to me and says, "You know, this is the second time you've saved my life." Actually, I think it's the third, but who's counting?

She goes to...offer...herself to me. Again. It's so unappealingly unromantic, that I nearly say something cruel and snide. But that's really not worthy of the gentleman I am, so I just bow, and take her hand, and kiss it, saying, "Think nothing of it, milady."

Cyrano would be proud.

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*Cordelia Chase's diary

Dear Diary,

How could I miss it? I mean, he was there all those years, and I missed it. Bookish Will O'Riley is one hot guy.

Sure, his taste in clothes may run to the day-old, food-stained black sweats thing...Did you notice how he always wears black? It's like he's in training to be an MIB or something. Anyway, back to Will, and his hotness.

Turns out he cleans up very well. I picked out his costume for Halloween. Total Termanator; leather jacket, leather pants, Raybans. Buffy'll be choking on her own bile when she sees me with my arm wrapped around him.

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*Buffy's diary

Dear Diary,

What a freaky Halloween. I'd dress up; after all, normally, my life IS Halloween 24-7. Be great to get out of that, just for a day. Or a night. But there's nobody to dress up -for-. Just one little Slayer, all by herself.

Well ok, Xander came to help me with the kids. Not that I mind kids, I like them, actually, but that's really not the freaky part. No. See, we got to talking about Will. Xander said that he kinda likes me, and asked me how I felt about him.

"I dunno," I said. "He's kinda...creepy." Which he is. I mean, a guy his age going after a girl like me is only after one thing.

Xander just shakes his head like I'm missing some cosmic revelation. I ask him what Will's going as.

"Probably a ghost," Xander remarks. "He's not too big on the whole dress-up thing."

Then the freaky part started when I opened the front door, and saw this totally hot guy standing there with his arm around Cordelia. He was in this leather biker outfit...God! Xander practically had to stop me from drooling. Then Xander pipes up innocently...

"Hey, Will, looking good...."

And it suddenly filters through my brain 'that guy' is none other than Will. Cue the music, we're in the Twilight Zone.

The rest of the night was pretty normal. Xander got turned into a soldier, and all the kids into monsters. We tracked down Spike and beat the living hoo-ha out of him, and everything turned out fine. Angel missed the party, though.

I wonder why?

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*From the diary of Oswald Oz, singer and lead guitarist for the band 'Dingoes Ate My Baby'

[Note: Yes, that's his real name. He hates it. That's why everybody calls him Oz. It's better than being called the Double-O Kid, which is what he used to be called back in Austrailia.

And don't razz me about going back on my format for once. You guys need to know that this Oz can sing. It's important, trust me.]

Dear Diary,

I saw that girl again tonight. She looked so sad. Strong on the outside, but really, sad on the inside. Funny. She's not really my type. I prefer redheads, actually. But this girl...it's like she's never really known happiness, never got a fair deal from life. I can empathize with that, given how much I screwed up things before I decided to get off the drink, and the drugs, and the groupies.

After all, who wants to be another statistic at age 17?

I wonder if I'll ever see her again. I'd like to hold her, and tell her things are going to be alright, just once. That's all. I don't ask for much.

I have to find her.

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*Will's diary

Dear Diary,

My life is a surrealist movie. There's no other way to explain it. Other than total insanity.

I kissed Cordelia Chase.

No, no, you read that right. You have not been beamed into a mirror universe, you have not entered the Twilight Zone, you have not been cursed by the gods for your hubris. Maybe I have, but not you.

This is a violation of the laws of the universe. A union between us....did I just write 'union?' Argh.

It was some crazy Kate/Petruchio, Hepburn/Tracy thing that got us. One minute I'm pointing out her idiocies as we hide for our lives, the next we're smooching like two hormone-drunk kids.

I need to do some Tai Chi. A lot, actually.

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*Will's diary, again

Dear Diary,

Curiouser and curiouser! Alice was describing my life when she entered Wonderland. Xander's too. Only, nothing really bad ever happened to Alice.

It _started_ innocently enough. I learned that Buffy was once again in mortal danger, this time from a group of assassins known as the Order of Turaka who date back to King Solomon. Seems one of them tried to kill her. I wish I could have helped somehow, but I'm the resident hacker, not the resident fighter, my push-hands skill not withstanding. Anyway, she killed him, but the only clue we had towards his identity was his ring. Giles ID'ed it right off, though.

Then Xander says those innocent little words which will forever burn themselves with horror into my brain:

"Hey, Angel has a ring just like that."

I put two and two together fast as Holmes. Angelica's one of the Order of Turaka.

[That's right, kids. Angel's 'Betrothal' ring is a Turakan Master Assassin's ring.]

That's why her combat skills are so high. She had to be sent here to kill Buffy, but unlike the other members, she played it smart and ingratiated herself towards us. And Buffy is fifteen, maybe twenty feet away in the halls, looking over her test results.

Everything goes into slow motion as I see the gun come up in Angel's hand, pointed at the back of Buffy's skull. I'm running before I know it, faster than I ever have, but I'll never make it.

Oh God.

I'll finish this when I'm calmer.

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*Angel's diary

Dear Diary,

I'm so sorry.

I wish I could make them understand how sorry I am. But a job's a job. What's-, oh the hell with it, it doesn't matter if someone reads my diary now -- Spike hired me before coming to Sunnydale. I got my standard fee, half the usual Turakan cash fee, but with my 'special needs' bonus -- 15 units before and 15 units on completion.

[Units of blood of course. Vampire blood. As addictions go, it's not so bad.]

I need my edge, right?

So I wait until she's turned around, all trusting like the little girl she is. Smoothly, quietly, I raise the Glock to the back of her head. It'll be merciful, and relatively quick. Silently, I mouth, "I'm sorry Buffy." She's been like a sister to me.

I shoot -- just as this flash barrels into me. A human flash.

Some kid took the shot for her. He's bleeding to death.

Stupid, stupid.

"You stupid kid!" I tell him. "Why'd you have to do that?" I think -- I think I'm crying. "Stupid, stupid," I whisper, as I cradle his head in my lap. He looks up at me,...and it's like he's looking at an angel. A real angel, not me.

"You have the most beautiful eyes," he says. "They'd be even prettier if you smiled."

Hesitantly, regretfully, I smile.

"See?" he says.

Then Buffy pulls him away and Will starts to beat the living tar out of me. I don't resist, as I mercifully fall into unconsciousness.

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*Buffy's diary

Dear Diary,

Betrayal is the worst kind of evil. You trust someone, you let them into your home, into your heart, and then they go around and try to kill you. Literally, in my case.

I never would have made it if it wasn't for him. He's nice. Kinda strange, but nice. His name's Oz, and he took a bullet for me. He almost died because of it.

I gotta thank Xander for keeping his head. He's the one who suggested we use Angel's hooch to help Oz heal. Who knew that vampire blood was good for humans? Makes me wonder what else Giles is keeping from me.

And Will...I've never seen him so angry. I've seen him excited and outraged, afraid and jumpy, but this time...it was like he was the wrath of god incarnate. He would've killed Angel if I hadn't stopped him.

I never knew he worried about me so much.

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*Will's diary

Dear Diary,

What a piece of work is Angel. Giles and I were pressing her for info when she started going into convulsions. Giles told me to go get her hooch, and I asked him why. He didn't say anything as we opened up the cage door. I placed the squeeze bottle just out of her reach on the floor.

Xander got a little worried then. "Will," he said to me, "I don't think she can reach it."

"She can," I said. And she does. She fought past the convulsions, to crawl just a little bit and grab the bottle. She placed it in her mouth and took a small sip. Presto. No more convulsions.

"Giles," Xander asked, "what the heck is she on?"

"The same thing I suspect she's been on for the past fifteen years," replied Giles. He reached down and wordlessly took away the bottle from Angel before she could take another sip. She reached up, eyes pleading. "Vampire blood is highly addictive."

[Ok, I can explain this whole thing to you now without messing up the timeline. Pop question: What happens when a human drinks vampire blood? Answer: They get vampire-like qualities. Increased strength, agility, endurance. Aging stops so long as a critical level of vampire blood is maintained. Plus, it triggers the immediate accelerated healing of any wounds. That's basically what Angel tells Xander when she talks to him about her 'hooch.'

Unfortunately, it's really addictive. You're fine the first few times, but it's like a portable adrenaline rush for humans. If you like roller coasters, you'd love vampire blood.]

"Now, do you have anything more you'd like to tell us?" asked Giles coolly to Angel.

She told us all of Spike's plan then. How he would use the DuLac cross to kill Darla, who was in town for Dru's impending birthday. Not that Buffy or anyone else would particularly mind Darla dying, but Angel told us it'd restore Drusilla to full strength.

More screwiness ensued later as we found out a second Slayer had been called when Buffy briefly died last year. She and Buffy nearly killed each other; apparently, each of them thought the other was a member of the Order.

We found Spike in an abandoned church that I had located through one of my local net searches. Buffy came up with this great plan to sneak Kendra (the new slayer) and herself into the church by seeming to split up and get captured. We nearly didn't succeed, though. Darla got dusted, and Drusilla got restored. It was one heck of a fight, even with Kendra and the rest of us for backup. Buffy set the whole place on fire with one of the incense burners, but in the ensuing mess, I don't know if they escaped on not.

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*Buffy's diary

Dear Diary,

Visited Oz in the hospital today. I tried to thank him, but he turned red as a beet and started stammering like Giles. He's kinda cute when he does that.

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*Angel's diary

Dear Diary,

Xander managed to convince the others that I'm recalcitrant. As a bonus incentive, I told them about what Spike probably had planned for Dru's birthday. They didn't believe me at first, of course, but then they read in the newspaper about the local Army base having been raided by terrorists looking for weapons.

Buffy, Xander and I went to Spike's base a while later to check things out. I didn't want Xander to come along, but he insisted on 'watching Buffy's back.' I thought that he didn't trust me after all. Why should he?

I gave him Cain's ring to wear. He put it on the wrong hand at first; then I told him to put it on his left.

"Means you're my apprentice," I said. "Means I get to teach you things."

"What sort of things?" he asked gamely.

"All the things you should know," I reply. "So don't let me down by dying."

"You too," he says.

Then Buffy tells us we have to go.

We got separated after Buffy tossed the grenade into Spike's little weapons depot. It was by the docks, and I figured the best thing would be to be underwater when the blast hit, so I grabbed Xander and jumped out a window and into the water. He's a very good swimmer, but the water was icy. Me? Well, being in the Order teaches you a few tricks, whether you like it or not.

He was in the first stages of hypothermia when we reached my safehouse.

The next scene was straight out of a soap opera. Innocent virgin gets freezing cold, tortured inamorata gets tempted, and they cuddle for body heat.  Cue the romantic music, fade to black.

[Did they have sex? No, I'm not telling. I may be near-omniscient, and yeah, I may have killed a few...hundred people in my time, but I'm not a sicko. I don't spy on people for kicks. But come on. Deduction? Read what follows.]

He was so tender, though. Totally unlike a guy his age. Like it was the most romantic, most magical thing to ever happen to him. He said we were soul mates.

I should've known something was wrong right there.

Maybe I shouldn't have rifled through his clothes. Maybe it would have been better to live with the lie. But old habits die hard.

It was just a thank-you card with some words on it. Funny how it only takes a moment, and your life can change forever.

Well, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out.

I've never been...with anyone, like that, since Daniel. Well, there was Cain, but it was...different, y'know? I mean, Xander and Daniel, they're just kids.  And I trusted Daniel. Just like I trusted Xander.

But it was all a big joke to them. All that tenderness and touchy-feely stuff was just an act, a lie.

But it wasn't, for me.

That's why I had to chop Danny-boy into kibble.

Kibble never lies.

[Note to self: Angel is a real psychopath. I mean, it's just a card!]

I was going to kill him. He certainly deserved it. He would've never even felt a thing, unless I wanted him to. But...but...I don't know, I just had to get away, away from him, from the sight of him. I just needed to take some time by myself, and do my usual happy stuff.

After I got my gear and left, I got jumped by this street person not ten yards away from my door. Seems she was all sad about how awful her life had been. So I killed her. Then I waited for that nice warm fuzzy feeling I get whenever I do that.

Nothing happened.

I killed a few more people as I wandered about town. Nada.

"I WANT MY WARM FUZZIES!" I yell to high heaven. Nobody listens.

Damn this world to hell.

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*Buffy's diary

Dear Diary,

Things seem to looking up. Xander and everybody threw me a birthday party. Everyone was there. Except Angel of course; we still had her locked up then. Vampires crashed in, but I dusted 'em.

Oz was so cool about the whole thing. I tried to cover it up, but he just uncovered my cover. And then, when he finds out that vampires are real, he's like, "Actually, that explains a lot."
No wiggins or anything.

We found out about Spike's plan and I, er, foiled it. With my luck, of course, the explosion didn't kill either of them.

I'm starting to trust Angel again, though. I didn't, but then Xander called from her place and told me how she saved him from the explosion...and hypothermia.

Seems I have one more thank-you note to send.

[Of course you do, Buffy. After all,